I took the train to Alexandria last week to Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit. I was working as a Volunteer, but kept my schedule free for the whole first day of Sexuality and Aging.
Unfortunately the session on STIs was cancelled but I went to Tom Callahan’s great talk on making your community LGBTQ friendly. We need to start talking about where seniors who wish to remain sexually active fit into assisted living and nursing homes. Some places are finally waking up to the reality of senior sexuality, but many who identify as LGBTQ are forced back into the closet by repressive staff and outdated policies. We can change this.
LGBT Aging Center/
In the afternoon I went to Joan Price’s wonderful 25 Tips for Sexy Aging. Joan as you may know is one of the reasons I find myself writing this blog. I won’t list all 25 tips, but here are a few:
1. Foreplay implies an end goal of orgasm. Play on the other hand can be whatever both of you (or more!) want to do. It could mean just cuddling or a full-on kink scene.
2. A senior “quickie” should last at least an hour.
3. Seniors ought to be using sex toys to help have regular orgasms. At least once a week says Joan, but I would say double that.
4. Have sex before a meal – not after that candlelit dinner. Listen to Dan Savage’s advice “Fuck first.”
5. Sexual expression is part of healthy living and has nothing to do with age. Amen to that.
OMG, where to start. I had been listening to a variety of swinger podcasts starting in late 2013. In the spring of 2014 I spent about six weeks recovering from a total knee replacement. In my oxycodone induced haze, I decided to go back and start listening to all of Life On the Swingset’s podcasts from the very beginning.
And there you were: a group of people who were intelligent, funny and sexy. And you openly talked about non-monogamy. As I continued to listen I got to know all of you, and your quirks and mannerisms. Some episodes were serious, some were raucous, most set my brain to thinking in new ways. I imagined being in the room with you for bedcasts. I pictured Desire in my mind.
In the spring of 2015 I decided to go to Catalyst Con East, to finally meet up with some of the people who had been infiltrating my brain for the past few years. The atmosphere assured me that I had finally found my tribe. I came back from the conference and told Doc we needed to go to Desire in November.
(Doc and I were open right from the beginning. We had tried to act on it but hadn’t accomplished much – been to a few meet and greets and that was all. See some of the other posts and pages on this site.)
And Desire was the most incredible experience we had ever had. We grew apart, we grew together, all in the space of 7 days. We realized that this was the kind of world we had wanted back 45 years ago. It all made sense.
And you LOTS, brought it all together for us. And you continue to do that, even if you feel burnt out and overwhelmed at times. We love you and applaud what you do. It will change and grow, and change again. But the core message is always there. People are wonderful. Sex is wonderful. Combine them and truly amazing things happen. And we’ll be there to support you in whichever direction you go.