Desire 2016

The anticipation started building about 6 weeks before we were going. Having Rocket Chat to talk with other Swingsetters was incredible. We knew a few people from last year and were glad to get to know a few more online before November.

What changed since I was last at Desire?

1. I started leading a senior’s sexuality discussion group at a local community center.

2. My relationship with Doc deepened, as we did an anniversary trip to Victoria, BC in June to celebrate five years of our amazing life together.

3. I went to Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom conference in August.

Desire was a place where I could be my true self. Doc and I planned costumes for most of the themes but not much else. We were open to playing with others or just enjoying our time together for the week.

Friday November 4:

We left RDU on Friday morning with a very quick stopover in CLT. (Those airport call letters always make me giggle – seemed fitting for this trip.)

A note for next year’s Newbie Handbook:  a section on what to expect getting through Immigration and Customs at the airport in Cancun. This time it was pretty quick – 45 minutes – but last year took much longer.  And I was grabbed by the Red light, but knew what to expect this time. We were at the Marriott in time for a late lunch and a margarita.

We cuddled and napped then went downstairs to meet up with a few of the other Swingsetters including B and B who live near us.

Saturday November 5:

The shuttle picked us up fairly early so after being greeted with a glass of champagne and walking through the lobby doors, we were indeed ‘home again’ in time for breakfast: naked Swingset folks all around.

Then we spent several hours waiting in the courtyard for our room to be ready. I appointed myself Newbie Ambassador. Finding that clothes were too hot, I left them with Doc while escorting new and bewildered Swingsetters around Desire’s winding pathways to the Beach, Restaurants, Pool and Hot tub.

Sunday November 6:

This morning: wind blowing through palm trees, can’t really hear the ocean; blue-green water;  beach bar in front of our room; occasional sounds of laughter from folks on the beach beds. The beds are no longer on the beach as a storm washed away much of the sand up to the cement wall.

Speed Dating was run in the afternoon by the wonderful K and F.  We met up with old friends T and T from last year, but there were too many new people to remember them all. Again I found myself not wearing clothes, but it worked with our speed-dating question: “ Which is sexier? Naked or partially clothed?”

Monday: November 7:

Sex toy and kink toy, show and tell. Doc wasn’t interested in going so I dragged our bag of toys over to the disco. I volunteered to try out the Njoy11 later with C, showed off my favorite kink toy the Wartenburg wheel and modeled some nipple clamps. I had been wanting an Eroscillator for some time and M gave me hers! Wow! In return I gave her my Reddit t-shirt which she thought was adorable. (The Eroscillator now has a favored spot next to our bed.)

I then met up with Doc for a quick lunch before going back to the disco for a ride on a Sybian, wonderfully supplied by Swinger Doc. I had been wanting to ride this toy with Doc since way back at Catalyst Con East.

We needed a few pillows to make it comfortable for me to sit/kneel on the Sybian. (I had a total knee replacement 2 years ago.) I chose a small dildo attachment, but next time I think I would go for a larger one. Doc sat/knelt in front of me and handled the controls.

So intense: not only the physical sensations but the way that Doc and I connect. His eyes captured me and held me. He is my rock. He got off from watching me and listening to me as I came countless times. He reveled in my pleasure and pushed me further. Our friends T and T came behind me and pinched my nipples which sent me into deeper orgasms. When I had had enough and we stopped I yelled out “And I’m 68 years old”. Laughter.

Tuesday: November 8:

Our best costumes were for the Steampunk theme, so we decided to wear them to the Swingset group dinner.

I must say how delighted I am to be a part of this group. We are truly building a Tribe of sex positive, thoughtful, intelligent, geeky/nerdy people.

After supper as the election results started coming in we knew this was not going to be good. I went up to the women’s orgy with mixed feelings – stay and watch the news unfold or relax with sexy bodies. Doc and I sat in the hot tub for a while then I wandered over to the beds where the other women had gathered. Doc watched from afar and was happy to assist by getting toys, water and towels as needed.

I felt awkward in the group as I had not played with any of the other women there. My sexy times with women have always been one-on-one. Also, in my experience (twenty years ago) we never used strap-ons. Fingers, tongues and fists (and the occasional vibrator) were our main playthings.

Lying on one of the beds watching the other women and listening to their joyful cries in the next bed, brought me back to my time as a midwife: the sheer power of women’s energy is incredible.

I said that I wanted someone to use the Njoy 11 on me and K very willingly agreed. She is so very skilled in the use of that toy and brought me to a squirting orgasm almost immediately. It was such a deep heavy smooth feeling that filled my whole pelvis – a different kind of penetration than a penis.

There’s always something new to learn.

Wednesday: November 9:

It was dungeon night and the theme was Anything But Clothes so Doc dressed me in rope. He carefully arranged the ropes so my shoulders and ass were open for flogging.

This was again something I had been looking forward to since Catalyst Con East. I told JV that I wanted him to flog me and teach Doc how to do it properly. Doc used our small light flogger at first and then changed over to another heavier one as he got used to the technique. I have no idea how long I was there with my hands up against the cross, but I was so proud of my marks for many days afterward. Thank you to all of you who organized Wednesday night. It was one of the highlights of our trip.

Thursday: November 10:

In the early afternoon we sat in on Dylan’s Gentle Perverts podcast show, but left early to set up for my Squirting workshop.

Doc had started the day by edging me – bringing me close to orgasm but then telling me I couldn’t cum, so I was quite ready to play. Doc and I both relayed the info we knew about the anatomy and physiology of female ejaculation and talked about waterproof bed protectors. Then he started massaging my labia and clit while I kept talking. He finally had to tell me to shut up and just relax!

About a minute later, with his magic fingers, he was able to make me squirt several times in front of a group of about a dozen people. Then as K and F demonstrated how squirting works for them using the Njoy11,  Doc and I answered questions from the audience.

I loved doing this workshop and will certainly do it again next year. Thank you so much K and F for joining us!

After our workshop we stayed around for the fisting demo by Dr Liz. I haven’t been fisted in many years, as I feel like my perineum is going to tear. With lube and gloves and patience maybe this is something Doc and I can work on for the future.

We  dressed up for dinner at Suki, and I got pretty emotional sitting across from Doc and staring into his beautiful brown eyes. The twists and turns of the universe that brought us together are kind of incredible when we stop to think about it. To be at Desire, open and loving, with so many other kindred  spirits was amazing.

Friday: November 11

We dressed up in our biker gear in the evening showing everyone our real selves. (I don’t wear fishnets on the bike, but…)

Also the best-ever rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody happened in the courtyard on this last night at Desire.

We had been flirting for a few days with B and N, so Friday we all decided go for it and went back to their room where we played until 2:30am. We will need to include Vancouver Island in our next trip to BC.

Saturday: November 12:

After about 4 hours sleep we managed to get ourselves up and on the shuttle to the airport. So overwhelmed, but so happy. So many things checked off our bucket lists.

This trip brought us closer. We both had emotional ups and downs, but we talked about that and realized we weren’t always going to be on the same page.

We often ventured off in different directions. He would wind up making out at the Courtyard bar with someone while I would be over by the pool having lunch with someone else.

Rocket Chat has been invaluable to keep the conversations going. I’ve added several more people to my Twitter account also. Hopefully we’ll meet up with some of these folks before Desire 2017.


Sexual Freedom Summit: Saturday, Sunday, Monday

By Saturday morning I was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. I had been sleeping and eating well (maybe too many carbs), but I made it to the 9am session with Twanna Hines on Sexual Health Advocacy, where I was a Room Monitor. Good info all around and a suggestion that I might be able to find funding for my senior sexuality classes as I teach STI prevention. (I’ll followup.)

Second up was Eugenics, a subject I knew very little about other than Margaret Sanger’s involvement in NYC 100 years ago. Tracing the history, Erin Basler talked about how this movement to preserve the “purity” of certain races, is still alive today. In fact I was reminded of Erin’s talk when I watched Rachel Maddow’s show of August 19th where she talked about John Tanton and the Center for Immigration Studies. Disturbing…

In the early afternoon I was back at the Registration table for a few hours. I was also able to catch the last half hour of Different Shades of Kink, but my body was having a difficult time staying present, with my assorted aches and pains and brain fog. (See my post from last December about fibromyalgia.)

laura-better-halfAs I headed towards the Restaurant I very luckily ran into Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh, and we decided to sit down for a talk over supper. I had been listening to Laura’s podcast Our Better Half since it began in early 2016. I wondered who the heck was this woman who called herself a sexual prude, yet delved into interviews with some of the strangest, kinkiest, and most delightful characters in the human sexuality realm.  We spent 2 1/2 hours comparing our life histories and sharing personal stories. Her podcast is now one of the top items I recommend to my Forever Sexual senior sexuality groups.

Thank you Laura! Can’t wait to meet up with you again!

Sunday was the last day and everyone gathered for brunch and a Round Table discussion. Said goodbye (but stay in touch) to many people, helped out at the Survey table, got Allie Moon to sign my copy of Girl Sex 101, and bought a Sex Geek t-shirt. Then as the Summit closed, all of the volunteers helped with unpacking, repacking, cleaning up, etc.

I went upstairs to write for awhile, then drifted down to the lounge for a drink. Joined folks sitting by the elevators, comparing Summit experiences, swapping email addresses and waiting for shuttles or cabs. Gave Nina another hug and promised to stay in touch with her and Vera around current birthing practices.

Monday I was able to unwind on the train trip home. Thinking about where I want to go with all of this. Continuing to lead discussion groups? Yes. Masters at Widener? Maybe. Online activism? Of course.

Sexual Freedom Summit: Friday

Got downstairs too late for the Summit breakfast so slipped over to the restaurant for tea and breakfast buffet.

girlsex101First up was Allison Moon’s talk on Self Publishing. Allison has published several books. I had just read Bad Dyke on my Kindle a few weeks previous and was interested to hear her speak.

Allie led us through the steps she had taken when publishing her first novels a few years ago, her memoir Bad Dyke and her recent Girl Sex 101. She talked about choosing whether to work within the publishing establishment or doing it on your own. Publishing began to change in the 1980s, and the start of the Internet in the 1990s only accelerated that. Fascinating stuff and lots to think about as I help some friends with their publishing choices.

(Side note: I have a background in publishing, since before the Internet and even before Desktop Publishing. I worked for a publisher in New York in 1970-1971, when we still used T-squares and rubber cement. I also worked with a women’s printing/publishing collective in Vancouver, BC in the late-1970s. In the mid-1980s I went back to school to learn computer graphic design and the newest advance in the field, Desktop Publishing.)

After this session I did a Volunteer stint at the registration table and found some time to talk with exhibitors and other folks and grab a quick lunch.

The afternoon’s session on Trauma in Maternity Care was intense to say the least. It brought me full circle back to where my interest in women’s health started. Vera Levitt Casey had stopped by the registration table and when I told her of my background in lay midwifery, she hoped I would join her and Nina Hartley in talking about birth trauma.

(Side note: I was a traditional or lay midwife in British Columbia from the mid 1970s until the mid 1980s. I learned best practices from other midwives at the Vancouver Birth Centre. I also worked with the Vancouver Women’s Health Collective as a women’s health teacher and clinic worker. In 1974 I also went to Vancouver Community College to train as an LPN.) 

SpiritualMidwiferyInaMayGaskinMost folks know Nina as an actress in adult films, but I was more interested in the fact she has a BS in Nursing and is an RN. I was delighted when she talked about The Farm and Spiritual Midwifery and Leboyer’s Birth Without Violence. Those people and their birth books had been my bibles when I was pregnant and working as a midwife.

When birth is taken out of a woman’s hands (almost literally) and given to other’s who do not respect her wishes and needs, interventions such as episiotomies and c-sections (with resulting PTSD) are almost inevitable. It is 40+ years since the natural childbirth movement began and birth interventions in hospitals have only become more commonplace. So many women attending this session were completely surprised and in the dark about what really goes on during childbirth in the US. Time to start another revolution…

I finished the day by going to the Keynote on Using Tech to Fight for Freedom. Powerful words and thoughts about how the Women of Color Sexual Health Network wants to use social media to advance justice-oriented work. Whew!

After such an intense day I sequestered myself in a corner of the lounge with a couple of vodka’s/ginger ale and wrote in my journal. The day had been a review of what I have done over the years – publishing, women’s health, activism. Now as I aim to carry all that I’ve learned forward where can I have the most impact?