I almost lost the best thing that has ever happened to me because I was taking antidepressants.
Before this story started, Doc and I had a very active sex life. We had found each other again in 2011 after many years apart and our libidos were both sky high.
I was started on Celexa (Citalopram) about two years ago (2013). It was recommended for me in conjunction with Neurontin (Gabapentin) to help control my fibromyalgia pain. I started off with a low dose of 10mg daily, and then about a year in, was upped to 20mg.
I didn’t even notice our sex life was diminishing. We still fucked every couple of days, but I certainly wasn’t playing with my vibrator as much, and certainly wasn’t writing erotica as much. I also didn’t initiate any sex play. I kind of sat back and waited for my partner to entice me. (And he is very good at enticing.)
Suddenly though, last spring it all changed. In early May I went to my doctor and said I wanted to stop the Citalopram as I didn’t think it was doing much of anything and my libido was slowly decreasing. She suggested I change over to Cymbalta (Duloxetine).
My moods, temperament and life in general started to go downhill over the next six weeks or so. I felt old and irritable. We were visiting friends in NY and all I wanted to do was leave, get the hell out of there. I had brain fog and could not concentrate on simple HTML coding. I had racing thoughts and was catastrophizing and overthinking everything. I hated anyone touching me and was emotionally numb.
There was an even further drop in my libido. I felt little desire and I had a strange sensation of having to ‘reach’ for an orgasm.
I wondered how I could have ever been in love with Doc, as almost everything he did sexually turned me off. I was aware that it was all going wrong and said many times that I just wanted to move back to my previous home and not be such an annoyance to everyone around me.
At the end of June I told my doctor I wanted to stop the Cymbalta, so she switched me back to Celexa and I had no withdrawal problems. Over the next month or so I slowly stopped both the Celexa and the Neurontin.
It’s now the end of the year and I do not take anything for my fibromyalgia except analgesics. Some days are bad and I have a mild narcotic for those days. But, if I watch what I eat, sleep well, and exercise regularly, I can keep the muscle pain and fatigue at bay.
And our sex life? It’s almost back to where it was in the beginning, four years ago. I’m initiating much more and my vibrator is no longer gathering dust. I’ve started writing again.
Now I’m not saying ‘Don’t take your meds’. I’m saying be aware that medication may affect you in ways that you don’t expect. Tell your medical provider what is going on. I hate to think what could have happened if I hadn’t listened to my own body and mind. I don’t think our relationship would have lasted.